Part 3: Self-discovery – Peace in the midst of a storm named anxiety

Have you ever desired to be free so badly that you were willing to do whatever it took to be free from the darkest areas of your true self? It’s like you are weaving in and out of the maze that resides in your mind. Longing, hoping, praying that someday the maze will end and freedom will begin.. 

I hope you did your homework from the last post! Because it will come in handy for this one..

When I began to see the root of the anxiety in my life I was mortified. I felt as if the life I was living was a wild Telenovela and I was the completely oblivious star. As each memory bubbled to the surface, pride became my worst enemy. I fought and fought with pride. I did not want to suppress the heaviness that was going on in my heart. I sometimes blamed myself for what happened and even at times blamed God..  I hated myself.. The things I did and the people I hurt. The way I viewed life, myself and love.. But the purpose God gave me, gave me the courage to step boldly into freedom. More than anything else I wanted to live a life that prevented and helped dig people I encountered out of the pit of despair. I hated the thought of them experiencing the same heartache I endured. I wanted a life that showed people that you can start over and live a life worth living after falling victim to such a horrific experience, not by your strength but through God’s alone..

IT ALL STARTED WITH A “YES”.

I had to get to a place where I began to ask the Lord who He says I am. In that season of my life it was very difficult.. Some of the people who knew about my experience were not in the place where they could be supportive.. It was hard because I felt like I didn’t have anyone.. My family didn’t know, a good majority of my friends didn’t know.. I literally felt like I was caged in the prison of my mind, with bars made out of painful memories. But I locked in to God.. I knew that even though some of the closest people to me at the time were not able to support me in the way I needed support, Abba, Daddy, God… Never left me.

So, make up your mind that you will NOT become a slave to your past hardships.

Not just for you and God, but for the hundreds, the thousands of men and women, girls and boys who will come to know Christ and freedom because of your decision to lock in.

Your choices do not just impact your life.. It impacts the life of everyone around you. Have you read the story of Jonathan and his armour bearer before? No? Well read it, it’s a WILD story of courage! (1 Samuel 14:1-23) Through the courage of two men, the King’s son and his armour bearer (someone who is supposed to hand him his sword!), chose to step out in courage and it impacted the entire army of Israel (who was hiding!!!) AND the Hebrews who were previously a part of the enemy’s army! It was almost like their purpose, their original design was awakened through a moment of courage..  (Bill Johnson has an amazing podcast that dissects this passage really well. For sure one of my all time favs.)

So for homework this week I would love for you to:

  1.  Search deep within your heart and ask yourself, who do I think I am?
  2.  Write what you get down. Whether you feel like a failure or a conqueror don’t glamorise it… Whatever it is, be honest. 
  3. Take some time to pray and ask God who HE says you are.
  4. Grab your bible and look up scriptures to see if any of them line up with the truth that God spoke over you 

 Here are a couple links that have scriptures that talk about who God says we are: (Link 1 & Link 2)

This is a nice way to exercise hearing the voice of God. 

Prayer:

Dear God, I repent of anything that I said and done that does not glorify you. Father I come before you, humbly asking you who YOU say that I am.  Jesus, unveil my eyes to see you in all your glory. Show me your heart for me. Abba, show me my heart for myself… In Jesus’ name amen.

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